Saturday 23 October 2010

We hide so much from each other.

You can look deep into someones soul through their eyes but they still lie. You are still influenced by the the mouth with its lies and false smile. I don't mean the sort of selfish and vicious lies that I despise more the false assurances.

I believe that you can only truly get to know how someone is feeling when they think no-one is looking. Many people are very confident and happy on the surface when aware of others but catch their expression for a few moments before they see you and it can be very telling.

I am no different. On the surface I am a confident businessman who is happy and in control but in reality I am as fragile as most, don't like being alone, self conscious and prone to episodes of short deep depression.

I remember vividly catching my wife unawares one time a few years ago when we had separated in town for a short while. My heart sank as I saw her dwarfed by what looked like a massive bag. She was obviously frustrated to be painfully struggling along  and overtaken by OAPs. In that brief moment I saw how she feels on days when the RA is getting the better of her and I had never this seen this side of her before. When we are together and I look into here eyes I still see the teenager I met, her being not her body, but  now I studied her as you can a stranger. I waited for a few moments before walking to greet her and her eyes lit up pleased to see me as she hid her troubles again.

I hide my feelings from my wife too it's something we both know we do automatically to protect each other.

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