Monday 8 November 2010
Saturday 6 November 2010
An experience that made talking to the dying important to me.
It all started a couple of years ago. I was in the habit of staying awake until I fell asleep on the sofa and then going to bed after waking a little while later usually because of the dog or wife reminding me.
One evening I woke, opened my eyes and that was all I could do. I was definitely awake, I could move my eyes but not my head or any any other part of my body. I have meditated in the past although I have not practised for a while and the feeling of total relaxation and detachment from my body was amazing much deeper than any meditation session I had.
I ought to have been scared of what was happening but I just closed my eyes and assumed that when I woke all would be okay, which it was.
The next time this happened, again falling asleep downstairs, I was nowhere near as comfortable as although I was aware of everything around me and absolutely wide awake mentally I couldn't even open my eyes. I tried lifting one of my arms and it felt like it was moving but then I realised it had not moved at all.
It happened in bed a little while later towards the end of my usual sleep period and for some reason it really spooked me. I have no idea if I had been dreaming but I remember the clammy feeling of panic. My heart was pounding but there was nothing I could do as the first time this happened is the only time I have ever been able to open my eyes. I rocked in bed hoping my wife would nudge me to stop and wake me up but nothing happened, not even the rocking. I calmed myself down and slept for a short while before waking normally but certainly not calm and refreshed,
The next few times it happened I tried moving just a little and my wife confirmed that I had not moved at all and as a light sleeper she would know. One time she was cuddled up to me and knew nothing.
My wife did shake me once and woke me up startled once though when she thought I was having an episode but I was just having a fantastic amazingly comfortable deep sleep!
I now just accept it and sleep it off.
My experience of sleep paralysis has made me think deeply about how to treat dying people.
I then recalled a visit from an ex husband to his dying wife in final hours of her life. It was an acrimonious divorce and as soon as she heard his voice there was a definite frown from someone who had not been conscious for a couple of days and never regained consciousness before she died. We all noticed it but nothing was said to him.
I recently watched the last few weeks of a couple of really great people towards the end and the last moments of one of their lives.
As I was watching them dying slowly of cancer they were mostly unconscious and I knew that they may be very aware of their surroundings but just unable to communicate. I talked to both of them as though they could hear all that I said.
My experience of sleep paralysis has taught me how wide awake your senses can be despite being unable to react or communicate and I will always make a point of talk to the dying and be mindful of what is discussed in their presence.
One evening I woke, opened my eyes and that was all I could do. I was definitely awake, I could move my eyes but not my head or any any other part of my body. I have meditated in the past although I have not practised for a while and the feeling of total relaxation and detachment from my body was amazing much deeper than any meditation session I had.
I ought to have been scared of what was happening but I just closed my eyes and assumed that when I woke all would be okay, which it was.
The next time this happened, again falling asleep downstairs, I was nowhere near as comfortable as although I was aware of everything around me and absolutely wide awake mentally I couldn't even open my eyes. I tried lifting one of my arms and it felt like it was moving but then I realised it had not moved at all.
It happened in bed a little while later towards the end of my usual sleep period and for some reason it really spooked me. I have no idea if I had been dreaming but I remember the clammy feeling of panic. My heart was pounding but there was nothing I could do as the first time this happened is the only time I have ever been able to open my eyes. I rocked in bed hoping my wife would nudge me to stop and wake me up but nothing happened, not even the rocking. I calmed myself down and slept for a short while before waking normally but certainly not calm and refreshed,
The next few times it happened I tried moving just a little and my wife confirmed that I had not moved at all and as a light sleeper she would know. One time she was cuddled up to me and knew nothing.
My wife did shake me once and woke me up startled once though when she thought I was having an episode but I was just having a fantastic amazingly comfortable deep sleep!
I now just accept it and sleep it off.
My experience of sleep paralysis has made me think deeply about how to treat dying people.
I then recalled a visit from an ex husband to his dying wife in final hours of her life. It was an acrimonious divorce and as soon as she heard his voice there was a definite frown from someone who had not been conscious for a couple of days and never regained consciousness before she died. We all noticed it but nothing was said to him.
I recently watched the last few weeks of a couple of really great people towards the end and the last moments of one of their lives.
As I was watching them dying slowly of cancer they were mostly unconscious and I knew that they may be very aware of their surroundings but just unable to communicate. I talked to both of them as though they could hear all that I said.
My experience of sleep paralysis has taught me how wide awake your senses can be despite being unable to react or communicate and I will always make a point of talk to the dying and be mindful of what is discussed in their presence.
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